Ways to look like a tool!

1. backwards baseball hat Do you play catcher for a major league ball club? Minor league? Local softball team? No? Then don't do this.

2. oakley blades Your Tour de France riding days are over, pal.

3. bluetooth headset 1. Trust us, you're not that important. 2. You're now just one-degree removed from Lando Calrissian's bald android assistant.

4. gold necklace Rap moguls, NBA stars, and Mr. T excluded. Some white guy from the 'burbs, nuh uh.

5. tommy bahama shirt When in Hawaii, this is OK. In the upper 49, toolbag.

6. national review magazine In close association with bad style, bad politics.

7. belt-clipped cell phone Scream "I am a middle manager!" a little louder. The guy across the street didn't hear you.

8. "cause" wristband Exceptions made if you or immediate family member is battling various wristband maladies. Otherwise, grab a scissors.

9. over-the-knee, double-pleated shorts Two things wrong here: 1. 4 pleats. 2. Over the knee.

10. crocs The Zubaz of the '00s. Here's a good rule to live by: Never wear the same shoes as your 5-year-old nephew.