Do you play catcher for a major league ball club? Minor league? Local softball team? No? Then don't do this.
Your Tour de France riding days are over, pal.
1. Trust us, you're not that important.
Rap moguls, NBA stars, and Mr. T excluded. Some white guy from the 'burbs, nuh uh.
tommy bahama shirt
When in Hawaii, this is OK. In the upper 49, toolbag.
national review magazine
In close association with bad style, bad politics.
belt-clipped cell phone
Scream "I am a middle manager!" a little louder. The guy across the street didn't hear you.
Exceptions made if you or immediate family member is battling various wristband maladies. Otherwise, grab a scissors.
over-the-knee, double-pleated shorts
Two things wrong here:
The Zubaz of the '00s. Here's a good rule to live by: Never wear the same shoes as your 5-year-old nephew.