Oct 16, 2007

2 Nights in a Row

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

24 comments:

Anonymous said...

YES! Fucking YES!

Anonymous said...

Haha damn man, that is frickin' sweet. Well played good sir, well played!

ctrl alt del said...

RE:

"...smarter than her."

Great story but it's, "smarter than she" dumbass

kelly said...

wow you're a dumbass

Anonymous said...

WHOAAAA HAHAHAHAAA OWNED!!!

Anonymous said...

ahah pwned

Anonymous said...

i read the last line twice before it sunk in how fucking funny that was. well played, sir.

Anonymous said...

Lol. Thats win.

Anonymous said...

Stolen!

Anonymous said...

You would think she would have seen that coming...

Anonymous said...

Ignoramus.

Anonymous said...

epic. pwn.

Anonymous said...

Yes good sir! You have won the day :-)

Anonymous said...

that made my entire week.

Anonymous said...

Epic Win!

Anonymous said...

HELL YES

Ergo Proxy TM said...

haha wow xDDDDDDDDDDDDD I bet her face was priceless to see

Anonymous said...

Idiotic as almost everything men like to say about women. Vindictful and bitter, and obviously, a mean little fantasy that only makes you look pathetic.

Anonymous said...

Sir you may have as many internets as you please.

Anonymous said...

Idiotic as almost everything men like to say about women. Vindictful and bitter, and obviously, a mean little fantasy that only makes you look pathetic.


whoever posted this is just a typical bitter twisted spoilt cow of a woman! lol get back in the kitchen.

Anonymous said...

"Idiotic as almost everything men like to say about women. Vindictful and bitter, and obviously, a mean little fantasy that only makes you look pathetic."
Whats the matter? Don't like that men can beat you at your own stupid little mind game?

Anonymous said...

if women would just be honest and say things like "nah, not in the mood tonight" it would suck but at least its the truth. instead they make up bullshit little ways to make you feel bad and fuck with your head so that you'll do stuff for them because they think that every guy in the world is so sex crazed that they hold an almighty weapon that they can abuse whenever they please. and they call us pathetic? Get over yourself women, youre real nice and certainly to have around but Palmela Handerson gets the job done just fine when you feel like being bitched about the whole thing lol

Anonymous said...

its funny that people on here seem to think this actually happened! sorry to break the illusion but thats an old joke I've heard a load of times before

Anonymous said...

Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on the snare drums. Curtains.

It's funny how easy it is to tell which comments were made by women.